Just Say No

How many unwanted things have you ended up doing because you didn't say "no"? Most of the time we say yes because we can't think of any reason for not cooperating. The basic reasons for saying no should be that what we have been asked to do does not fit into our goals. At first this may seem like a selfish response. Yet if our priorities are straight, then we will have already taken into account the needs and goals of others, at least those goals to which we are able to respond in a reasonably appropriate and effective manner.

An executive of a large association called to invite me to be the featured speaker at an annual meeting. When I asked what was the purpose of the meeting, his reply was, "It's our annual meeting." From this I think I was supposed to get the idea it was important, and therefore, I should be honored by the invitation.

"What is it that you want me to communicate? How can I help you?" I asked.

"Well, let us know what you think would be the most useful for us," he responded. The conversation ended when I asked him to go back to his committee to find out what the purpose was of my coming. If they had then come back and told me why they wanted me there, I would have been happy to accept or recommend someone whom I thought could do a better job if what they wanted did not lie in the area of my expertise. I didn't hear from them again!

Learning to say no also involves accepting your own capabilities. The apostle Paul in the 12th chapter of Romans tells us to think of ourselves with sober judgment. A healthy self-evaluation many times keeps us from accepting the task that someone else could do better, someone whose priorities and gifts are more relevant to the need at hand. Having this self-awareness makes it much easier to respond to people by saying something like, "I really don't think that's something I am gifted to do."

Background Information

Questions and Answers

Stories

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Transitions: Changing Jobs, Moving

Relationships: Communication Gaps

Parenting Teens: Communication Problems