Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
All of my life, I wanted to feel special. As a little girl, I performed for family and friends even my dolls and stuffed animals became an attentive audience. Whatever I was doing, I wanted the center of attention. I wasn't a gifted singer or dancer. Still, the desire to be seen and feel important was unquenchable. I wanted to know that I was worth something, and I sought affirmation by always trying to be someone greater than simply myself.
Needing a change
The desire for greatness increased as a high school student. Pageants and talent competitions gave me the recognition I savored. What I didn't realize, though, was that the more affirmation I received, the more I needed.
College life presented more admiration. But by this point in my life, anything I did fell short of my own high expectations. I never even questioned the onslaught of negativity until one day a woman I barely knew started telling me about her weight and former self-perception.
"I just got tired of the mean and nasty committee in my head telling me how I was going to feel, she said.
I resonated with that comment and because of it, my perceptions began to change.
My attitude, of course, didn't just turn on a dime. I didn't give myself one big pep talk and reverse years of self-loathing. It wasn't a twelve-step program. I changed one day at a time. What I first had to realize was that even when low self-image might look like humility, it can also be a reflection of self-centeredness. When my self-image is low, I am almost completely preoccupied with what I think about myself, what I fear others may think about me and what to do about it. When my self-image is healthy, I am freed from thinking about myself and able to care for others.
What I began to learn
It's exhausting to believe all of the lies we tell ourselves. It overwhelmed me to try to rally from the negative self-talk that followed eating dessert, skipping my workout or missing opportunities at work. It is a miracle I ever accomplished any goals with the toxic messages of self-doubt and self-hatred I lived with for so long.
I also had to recognize what the world was telling me. Culture radiates its own messages and lies we're forced to live up to. Women must be thin and beautiful. Men must be strong and powerful. What I began to understand was that we are more than physical bodies and accomplishments. We are image bearers, reflecting Someone greater than ourselves the One who created us.
Unlike any other creation, God crafted us in His image. That means we are reflections of God. If I accept this truth and make choices based on it, I will have a better understanding of myself. If I don't, I must rely on the world's representation of worth and compare myself to People magazine's "Fifty Most Beautiful People."
The world preaches inferiority. God and His Word proclaim worth and love.
Since I have been made in the image of God and am a moral individual with rational thought, personality, will and a soul, I am unique. What then would compel me to compare myself to someone who is prettier, smarter or makes more money than I? It is our vulnerability, insecure nature that drives us to compare and covet, to desire to be someone we are not and to crave the accolades of our friends, family and peers? That is not God's way. He is happy with the work of His hands, even when we are not.
What I allow to influence my self-perception is my choice. Even though I have come a long way in developing a healthy self-image, I need to be conscious of how others and the culture affect me. For example, I intentionally avoided southern California in my late 20s. The idyllic setting, abundance of wealth and beauty and endless emphasis on looks, had taken its toll during my high school and college years. I intentionally removed myself from a culture that had caused so much pain in my own life. However, when I was 31, business took me back to California.
My choice
I was so afraid of giving in to the mindset that once consumed me. On my way to meet friends for dinner, I gauged my nervous feelings. My deep feelings surprised me. I appreciated the beach house, the expensive cars. But I didn't even feel jealousy when I saw the picture-perfect blondes. It was the sweetest, most subtle feeling of contentment, as if the approval of others and the comfort of material things no longer mattered.
Through this journey, I've learned we have the power to conform to the world's standards, or we can reflect the One who designed us. It is possible to choose a positive self-image. I'm a testament to that.
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