Safe at Home

featuring James C. Dobson Ph.D.

Tammi gave up a career to stay home after her first baby was born. Some of her friends and co-workers told Tammi they were jealous because now she'd have the "easy life." But fixing meals, bathing the baby, washing dishes and keeping up the house didn't feel easy. Making lifestyle choices of driving older cars, taking fewer vacations and eating out less wasn't too easy, either.

When her second child came along the word easy dropped completely out of her vocabulary. Changing diapers was almost a full-time job. Add to that reading and playing with her children, doing laundry, grocery shopping and trying to be a giving wife, and Tammi was ready to break down. She felt lonely, depressed and under-appreciated. Dr. James Dobson has talked with numerous women in Tammi's situation.

"In today's mobile, highly energized society, young mothers are much more isolated than in years past," Dr. Dobson says. "Many of them hardly know the women next door, and their sisters and mothers may live a thousand miles away. That's why it is so important for those with small children to stay in touch with the outside world."

A July 1999 report from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that nearly 27 percent of all moms with children under age 6 stay at home full time with their children. When you add in moms who work part-time, that number jumps to almost 64 percent.

Dr. Dobson realizes millions of mothers are forced to work for financial reasons, especially single parents. At the same time, he and his wife, Shirley, sacrificed for her to be a stay-at-home mom, even when it meant selling and "eating" a Volkswagen.

"Neither she nor I have ever regretted that decision," Dr. Dobson says. "Looking back today, we feel it was especially important for Shirley to be at home during our kids' teen years."

The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health in 1997 showed that seventh through 12th graders with strong emotional attachment to parents and teachers were much less likely to use drugs and alcohol, attempt suicide, engage in violence or become sexually active.

And numerous studies have indicated that babies who are held, loved and nurtured grow up to be more intelligent, emotionally well-adjusted and creative adults.

So what can Tammi do to break out of her "just a mom" syndrome?

"There are women out there who need you as much as you need them," Dr. Dobson says. "You can find each other with a little effort."

Church activities, Bible study groups and programs such as Moms in Touch and Mothers of Preschoolers can help give stay-at-home moms the support they need..

Husbands of stay-at-home moms also play an important role in addition to that of sole breadwinner. "It is a wise man," Dr. Dobson points out, "who plans a romantic date at least once a week and offers to take care of the children so Mom can get a much-needed break."

With a little encouragement from women in similar situations, some help from their husbands and brief times away, moms like Tammi can recharge and be better equipped for their vital role.

According to Dr. Dobson, "As far as the importance of the assignment is concerned, no job can compete with the responsibility of shaping and molding a human being in the morning of his or her life."