Question and Answer

Why are some men and women less sensual than others?

Adult attitudes toward sexual relations are a function of genetics and conditioning during childhood and adolescence. It is surprising to observe how many otherwise well-adjusted people still think of married sex as dirty, animalistic or evil. Such a person who has been taught a one-sided, negative approach to sex during the formative years may find it impossible to release these carefully constructed inhibitions on the wedding night. The marriage ceremony is simply insufficient to reorient one's attitude from "Thou shalt not" to "Thou shalt regularly and with great passion!" That mental turnabout is not easily achieved.

Let me address the other related factor. Not all differences in intensity of the sex drive can be traced to errors in childhood instruction. Human beings differ in practically every characteristic. Our feet come in different sizes, our teeth are shaped differently, some people eat more than others, and some are taller than their peers. We are unique individuals. Accordingly, we differ in sexual appetites. Our intellectual "computers" are clearly programmed differently through the process of genetic inheritance. Some of us "hunger and thirst" after our sexuality, while others take it much more casually. Given this variability, we should learn to accept ourselves sexually, as well as physically and emotionally. This does not mean that we shouldn't try to improve the quality of our sex lives, but it does mean that we should stop struggling to achieve the impossible trying to set off an atomic bomb with a matchstick!

As long as a husband and wife are satisfied with each other, it doesn't matter what popular magazines say their inadequacies happen to be. Sex in this culture has become a statistical monster. "The average couple has intercourse three times a week! Oh no! What's wrong with us? Are we undersexed?" A husband worries if his genitalia are of "average" size, while his wife contemplates her insufficient bustline. We are tyrannized by this preoccupation with sexuality. I hereby make a proposal: Let's keep sex in its proper place; sure, it is important, but it should serve us and not the other way around!

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