homosexuality
The Guilt of Homosexuality
Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Grief — often overwhelming and crippling — is the most common emotional reaction. Suddenly life seems totally out of control. Events are pushing you in a direction you never thought you'd be going.
"If my husband was seeing another woman, I could fight it," said a devastated wife whose husband had fallen into homosexual behavior. "But with this situation, I felt helpless — and totally lost." The deeper the bond between you and this other person, the deeper your hurt on discovering their homosexuality. You know that the relationship with them has changed forever.
Guilt is a huge issue, especially for parents. It's common for them to ask, "Where did we go wrong?" They feel like total failures in one of their most important God-given roles.
Here are some insights:
We know that homosexual feelings can arise from childhood pain, and sometimes parents have contributed to that pain. It does not bring resolution to pretend that we did everything perfectly with our kids! At the same time, all parents are imperfect. All parents cause pain in their children's lives. We, like every other parent, have made our share of mistakes. We all have shortcomings. So, in that sense, we are no different from all other parents.
Remember that God raised Adam and Eve in a perfect environment, and they still chose to rebel. According to Jack Hayford in Loving a Prodigal, "The misbehaviors of our children do not necessarily indicate that we are failures as parents. Our worth as parents does not hinge on the choices of our children."
We are not responsible for what we cannot control. We cannot control our child's temptations. We cannot control our child's responses to those temptations. We cannot control our adult child's moral behavior. I think this is the hardest issue for some parents to face: We have lost control.
Some parents spend years trying to regain control. They manipulate, they threaten, they yell, they pout. Ultimately, nothing works. The child is still in rebellion.
Background Information
An Ounce of Prevention
Myths about homosexuality abound. Not least is the notion that, for some people, homosexuality is inevitable.
Born Gay?
How can you debunk the claim of biological determinism?
Struggling With Homosexuality
These questions and answers are designed to help men and women dealing with same-sex attraction work through the confusion.
The Causes of Homosexuality
Here are three possible reasons why your child is gay.
The Sexual Developmental Stages
How do males develop homosexual attractions?
Questions and Answers
My friend is a lesbian, and she thinks it is okay. How do I tell her this isn't okay with God?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Finding His Way Out
One man proves it is possible to escape the grip of homosexuality.
My Father's Closet
When Dad leaves Mom for another woman, the wounds are deep. But what do you do when he leaves for another man?
Not What I'd Expected
Having a gay father-in-law was the beginning of lessons on love and compassion amidst different beliefs and values.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
I Think I Might Be Gay!
This article, written for teen girls, points out that admiring the qualities, characteristics, or fashion sense of another female does not make you gay.
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
