crisis pregnancy

Ground Rules

Setting healthy boundaries is the first step in reforming and defining your family's media standard. Of course, there will be gray areas. Even the Bible — the ultimate source of right and wrong — doesn't have verses reading, "Thou shalt not watch slasher films" or "Thou shalt not listen to music that glamorizes substance abuse." However, the Bible is a great place to start looking for an appropriate foundation for your entertainment choices. Establishing moral standards, realizing the impact of entertainment choices and assessing your child's maturity and critical thinking skills will help you to devise an appropriate standard for your home.

Once you and your spouse have settled on an appropriate balance between shielding your teens from mainstream entertainment and discussing it with them, articulate that decision in writing. Develop the equivalent of a "family constitution" as it relates to entertainment habits in your home. It's important that you and your spouse be of like mind as you lovingly lay down the law (after all, it will be up to both of you to enforce it). Stick to your guns. Make it clear that all members of the family are subject to the newly established boundaries. (Note: This can be an especially daunting task if your spouse doesn't share your vision for entertainment purity, or you are a single parent whose child spends time with a permissive ex-spouse. In such cases, ask that your rules be respected, pray for everyone involved, and when necessary seek out a neutral third party as mediator.)

A few hints for setting your family standard

Avoid the extremes. A family entertainment standard is a valuable tool, but like any other tool, using it requires work. For that reason, many parents opt for an "all or nothing" approach, rather than teaching and reinforcing biblical principles on a case-by-case basis.

At one extreme, some moms and dads choose to "lay down the law." No movies. No television. No secular music — period. While this legalistic approach may simplify entertainment purchasing decisions, it also breeds rebellion. Youngsters bide their time, waiting for the day they can sample the entertainment industry's forbidden fruit: "Just wait till I move out someday. I'll watch and listen to whatever I want." And when they head off to college (or wherever), this attitude plays out in unwise choices of various natures.

Other parents go to the opposite extreme, adopting an anything-goes philosophy. No boundaries. Everything is ok. Do what you want. This permissive approach leads to indecent exposure as children wander, aimlessly and wide-eyed, through the culture's enticements.

Neither of these extremes works. One fashions rebels, the other fosters destructive attitudes. A discerning middle ground — one that tests entertainment against biblical standards — is the only reasonable and protective plan of action. Teaching discernment encourages balance, leads to critical thinking, bonds families and gives teens life skills they'll carry with them throughout adulthood.

It should be noted that some families can navigate the "extremes" when they do it with everyone's buy-in. For instance, many families have pitched the family television set. To make this work effectively, however, all members of the family must be supportive. A "top-down" approach can, and often does, breed rebellion. If you're considering this as an option, be sure to have a no-pressure family meeting to discuss.

Don't judge on style or ratings. Let us be blunt here: Rating systems are totally unreliable. For motion pictures, a PG-13, PG — or even a G — says almost nothing about whether a film will uplift the human spirit and avoid glamorizing evil. The same is true with television and video games ratings. Trusting a rating system is like buying a used car solely on the basis of a classified ad that boasts, "Great car." Who decided? Based on what criteria? Though it takes a little more research, it's worth your time and effort to go beyond the rating and find out about a film's or program's content.

Likewise, in the area of music, style can be very deceptive. While harder genres may offer positive messages, some mellower musicians dump all sorts of lyrical sewage on their fans. In this area, perhaps more than any other, we parents are tempted to allow ourselves to be swayed by personal preference. Resist the temptation. A better evaluation tool is to check out the messages being conveyed, not the style or look of the messenger.

Background Information

Behind the Scenes of a Teen Pregnancy
A look at the thoughts and feelings she — and you — are going through.

Abortion Risks
While abortion seems like a "quick fix" for a long-term problem, it is a permanent decision that carries physical, emotional and spiritual risks.

Deciding About Adoption
When considering adoption as an alterative to raising your baby, these answers may dispel adoption myths.

Questions and Answers

Why do I feel like this pregnancy has pulled me in so many different directions? I feel so overwhelmed with all the ramifications of this decision I must make. How can I sort it all out?
Answer

My pregnant daughter has her whole life still ahead of her. Would it be better for her to place her baby with a family through adoption, parent her baby or have an abortion?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Things Seen and Unseen
A woman in a white coat walked into the room and flipped on the fluorescent lights, jarring my wife awake. The jarring was just beginning.

Left to Suffer
Abortion can leave a woman feeling more empty and alone than she ever dreamed possible.

Life is Sacred
Sometimes the choices we make bring pain. Thankfully, one woman turned to God for healing.

Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion
It's not something most men talk about, but the ones who've lost a child to abortion bear many scars.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Faith Helps
God may be the only person who understands what you're going through.

What the Choice is All About
For a long time it baffled me. I could never understand why anyone would want to be pro-choice. But this past week I finally got it.

RelationshipsBlended Families, Parents and Adult Children

TransitionsPreparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest