communication problems
The Scourge of Sarcasm
By definition, sarcasm is caustic. As with anything caustic, you need to use it carefully to avoid destructive results. I've witnessed two major problems related to teens and parental sarcasm.
First, sarcasm can hurt feelings, and words uttered in a "humorous moment" can continue to cause pain later. Parents who communicate by issuing a steady flow of sarcasm can expect casualties. I'm not suggesting a moratorium on playful sarcasm, but there need to be boundaries. Limit it. Give your children the right to tell you it bothers them, and respect that. Don't be too proud to apologize, even if it seems like no big deal to you. As you find out where the boundaries are, get into the habit of living within them.
The second pitfall is more subtle. Sarcasm can mask sensitive or vulnerable feelings. Here, too, the result may be pain and conflict. Imagine a father watching his lovely 16-year-old daughter come downstairs. He might say, "Honey, you look beautiful tonight," or he might quip, "Man, you were such an ugly little girl. What happened?" Same underlying point, but one is obviously much more complimentary than the other.
Also, remember that you'll reap what you sow. And you may not like it. You may call your "style" sarcastic, but when it comes back at you from your teen, you'll probably call it "disrespectful." It never hurts to say what you mean and mean what you say. Sarcasm in communication requires tremendous sensitivity. A teen's world is tough enough. Home should be a safe haven from hurt, and a gas station for filling up on high-octane edification!
Background Information
Ten Needs of Every Teen
Fulfilling the needs (not necessarily wants) of our teenagers enables us to forge strong, life-lasting friendships with them.
Ten Things Your Teen is Reluctant to Tell You
Just knowing what your teen is thinking can make all the difference.
Questions and Answers
My son complains that we never listen to him. How can we prove that we are indeed paying attention?
Answer
My teen says we're disrespecting him, yet he's the one acting disrespectfully toward us. What should we do?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Is Anybody In There?
Talking with your teen can be a challenge, but it's worth the payoff.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
