communication problems
Question and Answer
My son complains that we never listen to him. How can we prove that we are indeed paying attention?
Before you try to convince him that you're listening, make sure you really are. Many times, parents think they're listening when, to some extent, they're busy making assumptions or thinking about the response they're going to give. Make sure you listen to the whole story before coming to any conclusions. Put down the newspaper. Turn off the TV. Stay focused and be a fact collector. Ask questions instead of rendering an opinion. This requires a significant investment of time and energy. Remember, teens are as demanding as toddlers, just in different ways.
It's worth noting what listening really is and is not. Listening is not the same as agreeing. It is a demonstration of respect for another person's feelings and ideas, not an endorsement of them. Also, there's a difference between conversing and arguing. A conversation involves speaking, listening and thinking. Arguing is mostly speaking (with the volume turned up). If a conversation turns into an argument, end it. Separate. Agree to revisit the issue when you both cool down and feel you can return to a civil discussion of the facts. If you want your son to be, as James 1:19 states, "quick to hear and slow to speak," you need to set the example. As you practice these principles, point them out to your son. It will prove that you're making an effort.
Background Information
Ten Needs of Every Teen
Fulfilling the needs (not necessarily wants) of our teenagers enables us to forge strong, life-lasting friendships with them.
Ten Things Your Teen is Reluctant to Tell You
Just knowing what your teen is thinking can make all the difference.
The Scourge of Sarcasm
Often it's not what you say, but how you say it that matters most.
Questions and Answers
My teen says we're disrespecting him, yet he's the one acting disrespectfully toward us. What should we do?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Is Anybody In There?
Talking with your teen can be a challenge, but it's worth the payoff.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
