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Question and Answer
Proms sure have changed since I was in school. I'm a little nervous about allowing my teenage daughter to go. What should I do?
Parents facing prom night can feel overwhelmed these days. It doesn't take long to realize that we have few points of reference to help us evaluate them. But I urge you to resist the knee-jerk temptation to just say "no" to the whole thing.
Encourage your teen to think aloud with you about her real purpose for this "ultimate" night of fun and romance. Some poor reasons (promoted in many teen magazines) include gaining acceptance from peers, preserving a dating relationship or impressing others with clothes and limos that carry a hefty price tag.
What are good reasons for attending the prom? Reward for hard work and integrity. A chance to deepen friendships in a group setting. An opportunity to stand out as a Christian. Seek to understand her expectations for the prom. Based on what she's looking for, and your knowledge of her strengths and weaknesses, you can approve of, caution or redirect her desires. Afterward, if you're still uncomfortable with prom night, explore alternative activities — many of which are far less expensive.
Limits flow directly from the purpose of the evening. For instance, if "fun" is the one overriding goal, it will be difficult for your daughter to say "no" to anything that sounds fun, even if it's dangerous or foolish. Conversely, if representing Jesus is of value, certain limits — from necklines to hemlines — will be obvious. Most importantly, these limits originate in her heart. When teens own their limits and feel responsible for them, they will hold up better under tough pressure. Conversely, an external limit imposed by Mom or Dad won't stand up as well in the face of the world's values.
Getting a sense of your teen's heart regarding prom night can either confirm your anxiety or bolster your confidence. Either way, it gives you more information to act on constructively. If you choose to let her attend the prom, you can actually enhance her experience and look forward to the event right along with her.
Background Information
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To Date or Not to Date
How you view dating and marriage will determine your teen's expectation when he goes to middle and high school.
Questions and Answers
Our 16-year-old daughter has started dating. How do we help her keep perspective and avoid trouble?
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Stories
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