affairs

Full Circle

From where I sat in the dining room, I saw Dad come into the kitchen carrying a small bouquet of handpicked flowers. He had been in the yard checking the damage done by the previous night's killing frost. He grabbed a small white coffee mug, filled it with water and added a few hardy yellow mums and the lone rose that had survived.

"I couldn't find a vase," his voice cracked, "but I think she will like this." The mug read World's Greatest Grandma.

"It's perfect," I agreed.

Two weeks earlier Mom, from her hospital bed in the living room, had noticed the lone pink rose — her favorite color — poking through the ivy outside the window. No one remembered planting it. It seemed to be there just for her.

"This will be the last rose of the season, and the last. ..."

Dad stopped. I knew what he was thinking: The last rose he would ever give her. Mom was in the final days of her yearlong battle with colon cancer.

I sighed. For several months I had been trying to keep up with it all — a career, a busy family in Colorado and my aging parents in Indiana.

My dad, in his mid 70s, had been through prostate cancer surgery; six weeks later Mom collapsed. Emergency surgery revealed she had advanced colon cancer that had already spread to her liver and lungs. The doctor said, "three to six months, at best."

Rearranging life

Not again, I thought. We had lost my husband's mother to pancreatic cancer a year earlier. But we saw the difference his sister's care had made in his mom's final days. My husband and I agreed: I would be there for my mother.

At first, I flew back and forth on weekends. Then I rearranged my work schedule — crowding four weeks of work into three so I could spend the fourth with Mom.

Months later, when her care needs increased, she required someone around the clock. Dad did what he could, and the hospice nurses came daily, but I knew something had to give in my life. I couldn't spread my family any thinner, and a leave from work might not be enough time. So as much as I loved my job, I resigned.

For a while it seemed no matter what I was doing, I was letting someone or some responsibility go: my husband, home, my daughter in her first semester at college — not to mention friends. Who had time?

Yet I knew this season of life and its hardships — fatigue, little sleep, long days and nights, intense grief — like a killing frost, would pass. I would have no regrets being there, observing my parents' love and praying, singing, loving and caring for them as they had for me when I was a child.

A year later

On the anniversary of Mom's death I was with my dad in Indiana. Just before leaving I happened to remember, "Dad, did the rose come up again this year?"

"Oh, I doubt it. I haven't even watered that spot."

We walked over to the ivy bed. There, standing tall like last year, was a single pink rose. This time Dad picked it for me.

Background Information

The Truth About Emotional Affairs
At work and online, crossing the line from platonic friendship to emotional infidelity happens at an alarming rate.

An All-Too-Common Affair
Why do so many people get trapped in affairs?

Danger Signs of an Affair
Though affairs are often unpredictable, there are recognizable symptoms of a troubled marriage.

Questions and Answers

My marriage seems beyond repair to me. My husband is running around with other women and threatening to divorce me. Is there really any hope for us?
Answer

Is cybersex "cheating"?
Answer

My husband has been having an affair for the past three months. Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Reconcilable Differences
What's the secret to bringing a relationship back from the brink of divorce?

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

A Perfect Love
After a divorce, some amount of healing can occur through community support and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing can only come from the one who created us.

The Freedom in Forgiveness
Sometimes the comfort of holding a grudge can blind us to the relief of letting it go.

Special Situations
Even in cases of adultery, abuse and addictions, divorce isn't always the solution.

Forgiveness: What it is and What it Isn't
Understanding and granting forgiveness can help you move past the pain of divorce.

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Love & SexDating, Living Together

TransitionsGetting Married

Abuse & AddictionsPornography and Cybersex, Physical and Verbal Abuse