Coffee Can Wait

by Carolyn Klepfer

A few years ago my son, Alex, began to become the thoughtful young man we hoped and prayed he'd become fun to be with and responsible.

Then a cruel thing happened. He moved out.

It felt like we opened our eyes and then he was gone. He became less and less visible. Late at night when the rest of us tried to sleep, he'd come home and clean up the leftovers from dinner. If we wanted to talk to him, we had to slip into the kitchen until it was time for him to call his girlfriend. Then his last day at our address turned into his first day as a husband.

I love his wife for many reasons, but especially because she loves him. It's written all over her the way she touches him, watches him and speaks about him. Any praying mother would be thrilled to see a strong Christian woman who wants her husband to be the head of the household.

But one little detail has made this ideal marriage tough. It's a selfish thing a struggle I pray about. She doesn't need me.

Kay is very close to her mom and her two sisters. She has a rich, rewarding life with many friends and interests. I always expected that my son's wife would become a daughter legally and then morph into a good friend. The coffee shop kind.

Kay doesn't drink coffee, she hates it.

If I engage her in conversation, we have a great time together. She's friendly and laughs at my wit. But there is a tiny wall of not-quite-there between us. I miss my son. He still attends college, and works a few miles from our home. My husband and I occasionally admit to each other that we visited his workplace to get an Alex fix.

We'd love to monopolize Alex and Kay's time and bombard them with invitations to visit every night for dinner. But they are both so busy it's a challenge for them to carve out time alone. We won't infringe on that. So what can we do with this dilemma?

We are going to overlook the things that cause pain when we don't get the time with our son that what we want. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 4:8 that love covers over a multitude of sins. I imagine it also covers over a multitude of expectations. We'll pray for them to grow as a couple, and we'll delight in God's miracle that two perfectly matched people have chosen to serve God together.

I'm choosing contentment. I haven't lost a son. Though he was given to me for a short period of time, he was never mine to claim and suffocate and destroy which is what would have happened without the guidance of God.

We gave our son back to God, because He so graciously gave him to us. That means He determines the course, speed and direction of Alex's life. My relationship with my newest daughter also has time to grow and change. I'll be patient and available when she needs me and understanding when she doesn't. And if I recall, I hated coffee until I reached my thirties. Maybe we'll have time for coffee later.