adoption
Addressing Attachment Disorder
Parenting a child with an attachment disorder can be extremely challenging. Many parents are overwhelmed by helplessness, frustration and self- blame. Healing will involve finding the most effective ways to help the child, providing stability for the entire family.
Find a support group. It is critical to find support from others who are dealing with attachment disorder in their own families. Without a safe environment in which to voice concerns, emotions can build up and become a burden that is too heavy to carry. Support groups offer understanding, give practical help and provide a safe-haven during this challenge.
Seek professional counseling. Realizing that the healing process will not be an easy one is important. A therapist that is right for your family will be crucial to addressing the problems with your adopted child. Not every therapist will be a good fit, and parents must understand what to look for to find a suitable match. TroubledWith offers connections to counselors in your area. For more information, visit our "Consider Counseling" page. A good therapist will reflect the following attitudes:
- Allow parents to be actively involved in the therapy sessions.
- Instruct parents to apply therapeutic techniques to better discipline their child.
- Validate parents' feelings and support them.
- Maintain consistent control of the session, regardless of the child's need for control.
- Identify and treats any other disorders such as Sensory Integration Disorder or Bipolar that sometimes co-exist with attachment disorder. If diagnosed, therapist can help direct the parent to the proper treatments and/or medications to help.
- Provide hope to the entire family and reminds them that positive change is possible, no matter how difficult the situation.
- Help parents adjust without lowering their expectations. This is often hard for those who go into adoption thinking that love and time would be enough for their child to adjust.
- Challenge the child to work hard on his life while maintaining respect for him as a person.
Find time for yourself. Although it may seem impossible and may even feel somewhat selfish, taking care of yourself is crucial when you face daily challenges of parenting a child with attachment disorder. Oftentimes the greatest gift that we can give to others is a replenished spirit that happens with the deliberate choice to get away and recoup. Week-long trips to Cancun may not be realistic. But even short breaks away from the daily routine can bring refreshment. The possibilities are endless. Here are some suggestions:
- Take a short walk around the neighborhood
- Read a book
- Exercise
- Meet a friend at a coffee shop
- Engage in your favorite hobby
- Watch the sunset
- Listen to music
The answer is not found in following a specific formula, but in doing whatever will allow you to relax and rejuvenate. Most importantly, making a conscious choice to take time for yourself will make a major impact on your ability to parent your child effectively.
Lean on God.
There are some situations we face in life that it's impossible to handle in our own strength. In these times, we must rely on God, expressing our concerns and need to Him in prayer.
God is not bothered by our troubles. In fact, the Bible instructs us to cast all our concerns on Him, because He cares for us. (I Peter 5:7). He wants us to tell Him about our difficulties, allowing Him to provide the comfort and help that only He can give.
God is not far off, unaware and unconcerned with our struggles. Rather, He wants to be intimately involved in our lives. If we are willing to turn to Him, He will grant us a peace that surpasses our ability to understand (Philippians 4:6,7).
Dealing with your child's attachment issues will not be easy, but with the support of God, the empathy of others in similar situations and professional help, it is possible to survive and even excel in this task of parenting.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
