adoption

Preparing for Change

The transition to adulthood is difficult. Rapid physical growth begins in early adolescence — typically between the ages of 9 and 13 — and thought processes start to take on adult characteristics. Many youngsters find these changes distressing because they do not fully understand what is happening to them. Fears and anxieties can be put to rest by simply keeping an open line of communication and preparing for change before it occurs.

The main issues that arise during adolescence are:

  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Physical Changes
  • Emotional Turbulence
  • Peer Pressure and Conformity
  • Emerging Independence and Search for Identity
  • Interest in the Opposite Sex

Low self-esteem

A child's self worth is particularly fragile during adolescence. Teenagers often struggle with an overwhelming sense that nobody likes them, that they're not as good as other people, that they are failures, losers, ugly or unintelligent.

Physical Changes

Some form of bodily dissatisfaction is common among pre-teens. If dissatisfaction is great, it may cause them to become shy or very easily embarrassed. In other cases, teens may act the opposite -- loud and angry -- in an effort to compensate for feelings of self-consciousness and inferiority.

As alarming as these bodily changes can be, adolescents may find it equally distressing to not experience the changes at the same time as their peers. Late maturation can cause feelings of inferiority and awkwardness.

Emotional turbulence

Young people feel more strongly about everything during adolescence. Fears become more frightening, pleasures become more exciting, irritations become more distressing and frustrations become more intolerable. Every experience appears king-sized during adolescence.

Youngsters having a difficult adolescence may become seriously depressed and/or engage in self-destructive behavior. Often, the first clue that a teenager needs professional help is a deep-rooted shift in attitude and behavior.

Parents should be alert to the following warning signs of personality change indicating that a teenager needs help:

  • Repeated school absences
  • Slumping grades
  • Use of alcohol or illegal substances
  • Hostile or dangerous behavior
  • Extreme withdrawal and reclusiveness
  • Peer pressure and conformity

There is tremendous pressure on adolescents to conform to the standards of their peers. This pressure toward conformity can be dangerous in that it applies not only to clothing and hairstyles; it may lead them to do things that they know are wrong.

Emerging independence and search for identity

Adolescence marks a period of increasing independence that often leads to conflict between teenagers and parents. This tension is a normal part of growing up -- and for parents, a normal part of the letting-go process.

Another normal part of adolescence is confusion over values and beliefs. This time of questioning is important as young people examine the values they have been taught and begin to embrace their own beliefs. Though they may adopt the same beliefs as their parents, discovering them on their own enables the young person to develop a sense of integrity.

Interest in the opposite sex

Adolescence is marked by a new interest in the opposite sex. Boys face a more physical desire for sex, whereas girls face a more emotional desire for closeness and intimacy.

Although adolescence will present challenges for young people and their parents, awareness and communication can help pave the way for a smooth transition into this exciting phase of life.

Last updated October 2004

Background Information

Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.

Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.

Adopting on Your Own
This advice can help single parents who want to adopt children.

Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.

Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.

Questions and Answers

Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer

How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer

Review Frequently Asked Questions

Stories

Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.

A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.

Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?

An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.

Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.

If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.
Share Your Story

Other Things to Consider

Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?

Life PressuresWorking Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms

RelationshipsBlended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents