moving
Question and Answer
I didn't realize the importance of moving at a time that's good for my teen. Now it's too late. I have a 14-year-old who is depressed, angry and will only talk about our old home. Her grades are beginning to slide. Now what?
Besides anger and discouragement, a teen may fail to engage successfully in a new location. A tailspin often begins that pulls down grades, selection of friends, and the emotional environment at home. The trials faced by a teen under these circumstances are remarkable. They require building a new life while grieving the loss of the old one.
First, try to understand how difficult it is to be the "new kid in town." Picture this: Your 14-year-old spends her whole life in the same town, has great grades, is respected by her friends, and has built a good reputation at church and school. She moves to a new city and her parents expect a repeat performance. But in the new school, she has no identity. She's the new kid. No reputation precedes her. For the first time, she must rebuild her life from the ground up in the face of potential resistance from peers. Your help is imperative if she is to avoid getting stuck in discouragement. Without that support, she will likely follow the path of least resistance to acceptance, possibly leading to a very negative lifestyle.
Second, determine ways to maintain old friendships via long distance phone calls, e-mail or visits while still attempting to build a new life and new friends. Both can occur simultaneously. Determine what your child will embrace in the new town (a sports team or youth group), and how you will support her need to keep in touch with old friends (a long distance phone allowance, etc.).
Finally, talk about your own pain or sadness as a result of leaving your old life behind. Invite your teen to express sadness and grief. Rather than fuel discouragement and dissension, those shared feelings—and even tears—can strengthen the family as you embark on this adventure together.
Background Information
Moving Blues
When you move, you pack more than just your stuff — your emotions often get put in boxes, too.
Questions and Answers
How can I get my children ready to handle a move to a new city?
Answer
Due to a job transfer, we are moving to a different region of the country. How can we "soften the blow" for our kids?
Answer
Our 17-year-old son says he won't move with the family. He wants to live with friends and graduate from the school he now attends. Should we let him stay?
Answer
What can we do to make our upcoming move easier on our two teenagers?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Moving For Him
I knew He loved me, but until I moved, I didn't know how much I needed His love.
Cherish, Not Cling
Deciphering what can be let go and what to hold on to is often a major step in moving on.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
