preparing for adolescence
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride: Lessons Learned About Adolescence
Our day at Disneyland was drawing to a close. My wife, three daughters and I were exhausted after several hours exploring the Magic Kingdom. As we made our way toward the exit gate, my eleven-year-old daughter spotted Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Without uttering a word, her big brown eyes spoke loud and clear. Kristin insisted that we go on one more attraction. Our eight-year- old and three-year-old soon jumped on the bandwagon.
For younger kids, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride was a frightening five minutes. The speed and the surprise made for sweaty little palms. And yet when it was all over, everything was just fine. My three girls were all too willing to go again.
As we made our way to our minivan, I had no way of knowing what an appropriate metaphor Mr. Toad's Wild Ride would be for the adventure of adolescence we would soon experience as a family. Within months our eleven-year-old was on a wide ride of her own — complete with zits, training bras, growth spurts, mood swings and what I simply prefer to call "the attitude." That was a dozen years ago and thankfully we got through relatively unscathed.
Adolescence is that time in your child's life when you find yourself wondering if the beast you are feeding at home would best be caged and cared for at the city zoo. But fortunately, those pre-teen and teenage years filled with speed and surprise generally end much like that beloved attraction at Disneyland. To assure a good ride, here are some practical suggestions:
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Read the instructions. The rides at most theme parks boast a sign with instructions that must be complied with in order for someone to be safe. Guiding our children through adolescence requires some reading as well. Don't assume you can fly through this turbulent season in your kid's life by the seat of your pants. For starters, read Proverbs in the Bible. It is filled with helpful insights. Proverbs 22:6 says, for example, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Like the tracks of an amusement park ride, parental training guides the cargo, limits the options and determines the destination.
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Pay attention. At Disneyland I insisted on riding in the car behind my girls. My wife rode with our three-year-old. That was a no-brainer—our girls needed their dad and mom so they would feel safe twisting and turning on the rollercoaster. What is often overlooked as our kids speed through middle school and high school is our responsibility to keep an eye on what they are doing and who they are spending time with. As our teenagers move toward adulthood they want to push the limits and try on independence. That's necessary in some cases, but it can also be dangerous. Parents need to stay near and stay involved.
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Buckle your seat belt. The ride at Disneyland would not begin until the attendants were sure everyone was buckled in. Likewise, we need to accept the inevitability of what's to come and prepare for an adventure.
Adolescence is a wild ride fueled by racing hormones, peer pressure and self-exploration. There is no way to avoid this stretch of highway on our student's road to maturity. If you are like most dads and moms, you can expect white knuckles and some motion sickness. But once you're committed to the process and have determined to not bail out, you can enjoy the ride.
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Fully rely on God. Some things get bad before they get better. God knows the big picture. The Mr. Toad season of our kids' lives need not be lived with paralyzing anxiety and a sense of hopelessness. According to the Bible, acknowledging our limitations is a good thing if we realize God's willingness to provide help. Near the end of the New Testament we read, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" (James 1:5). Allow Mr. Toad to remind you of an acronym for the word frog: Fully Rely On God.
Background Information
Caution: Changes Ahead
Prepare your children for adolescence before they embark on its rocky road.
Preparing for Change
Surviving one of life's most turbulent passages comes down to preparation, communication and a whole lot of understanding.
Questions and Answers
How can I avoid a communication blackout during the teen years?
Answer
How can I avoid future adolescent rebellion?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Predators in the Tall Grass
Sometimes it's what you can't see that poses the biggest threat.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
