discipline
Superstore Showdown
The SuperStore, combining the discount and grocery store, is the one-stop shopping place for busy moms. Everything from cotton swabs to frozen pizzas to motor oil to pain relievers can be found on its wide aisles.
It's a mother's paradise . . . and a child's playground. Stacks of breakfast cereal beckon young hands. Rows of candy, toys and cookies—all for the asking. Pyramids of tomato soup cans that would make the Egyptians envious call out to children, "Touch me."
Let's zoom in for a closer look as Janice takes a typical trip with her three children to pick up some groceries and household items—an errand that often leaves her in need of some pain relievers.
Janice: Okay, kids. Let's all be good in the store. We don't want Mommy to get any more gray hairs, do we? (Children shake heads no, except for 11-month-old Teddy who nods yes.)
Tommy, age 6: Mommy, can I pick Sweet Treats cereal?
Janice: No.
Tommy: Ple-e-ease.
Janice: No.
Tommy: Then we get Honey-Covered-Sugar O's. (Grabs box off shelf.)
Janice: No, and put back that box. (Tommy keeps box and walks closer to cart.)
Teddy: Waaaa!
Janice: Where'd Trisha run off to? (Sees her 3-year-old approaching tower of Gatorade bottles. She's reaching for bottom one.) NOOO!
(Janice swoops in, grabs Trisha and saves the tower. She walks back to her cart, which now contains a box of Honey-Covered-Sugar O's. She ignores the cereal, although she's steamed.)
Teddy: Waaaa!
Janice (angry): Stop crying! (Gives him a little swat.)
Trisha: Mommy, why are you mad?
Janice: I'm not mad, Sweetie, just a little frustrated. Hey, where's Tommy? (CRASH!)
At this rate, Janice may not need to worry about gray hair. By the time she's 40, she'll have pulled it all out. Let's see what Dr. Dobson would recommend to this frazzled mom:
When children want to pick a fight with Mom or Dad, they know they they're "safer" in a public place, such as a supermarket. Therefore, I recommend you lay out the ground rules before you enter those public arenas. If a child misbehaves, simply take him back to the car or around the corner and do what you'd normally do at home.
The goal of discipline is not to produce perfect kids. Even if you implement a flawless system of discipline, which no one is history has done, your children will still be children. At times they will be silly, lazy, selfish and yes, disrespectful.
The key to knowing when to discipline is being able to tell the difference between childish irresponsibility and willful defiance. The more blatant the defiance, the more critical it is to respond with decisiveness. Be more tolerant if it's simple immature behavior or a forgotten rule. Also, there should be no physical punishment for a child younger than 15 to 18 months old. An infant is incapable of comprehending his or her "offense" and associating it with the consequence.
With this in mind, it's obvious Tommy needs some correction. Janice had been clear, but he threw the cereal in the cart: That's willful defiance and should be handled immediately. Unless Mom told Trisha to stay close to the cart—a good rule for any child—she was just letting her curiosity get the better of her. Teddy suffered Mom's wrath undeservingly.
Janice could've handled the situation better by letting her kids know what was expected of them instead of a general "be good," before entering the store. Telling her children to stay with the cart, not to ask for any sweets and to keep their hands to themselves, then following up on her rules, could've made the SuperStore a markedly better experience.
Background Information
Journey of No Return
Sometimes as parents, we have a knee-jerk response to our kids as we're barraged by their numerous inquires and desires. Maybe it's time to stop being so negative.
When Not To Discipline
Parents should recognize when they should and shouldn't discipline their children.
When You Feel Like Calling in the SWAT Team
Are your children constantly testing you? This classic parenting advice will help you regain the upper hand.
Questions and Answers
After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up, but I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?
Answer
We'd like to be more unified in our approach, but how do we successfully move from two financial approaches to one?
Answer
How long do you think a child should be allowed to cry after being punished? Is there a limit?
Answer
I have never spanked my 3-year-old because I am afraid it will teach her to hit others and be a violent person. Do you think I am wrong?
Answer
It just seems barbaric to cause pain to a defenseless child. Is it healthy to spank him or her?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Ten Things Toddlers Wish They Could Tell You
It can do wonders for the frazzled parent to know what's going on in the mind of your little one.
Related Topics
Transitions: Having a Baby, Preparing for Adolescence
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-At-Home Moms, Time for Family
Relationships: Parents and Adult Children, Blended Families
