adoption
Adopting on Your Own
Regardless of the joy a child may bring into the life of the single person who has dreamed of parenting, major adjustments must be expected for both parent and child. Since older and physically/emotionally handicapped children are usually placed with single adoptive parents, the time required for proper adjustment may be longer. Older children, for example, generally present more adjustment difficulties, simply because the child's personality has already developed to a great extent. Many older children have also had earlier experiences of deprivation, abuse and instability, and come to the single parent with substantially more emotional problems. The physically handicapped child may require an even greater amount of care — perhaps lifelong.
Adjustment of both parent and child are dependent on several factors. Much of the responsibility for good adjustment depends on the parent's own sense of well-being and self-esteem. Research indicates that single adoptive parents take longer to consider a child their own than couples who adopt, and that males take longer to adjust to parenting than females.
The fact that you, the single adoptive parent, will have a significantly restricted social life after a child arrives must be accepted as part of this newly chosen lifestyle. Understandably, there aren't too many other single adoptive parents with whom to socialize; you may not quite fit into the divorced or widowed single-parent group; married couples may not be ready to accept you; and your single friends don't feel comfortable talking about, or being around, children. Now, instead of accepting social invitations, you may find yourself saying more often: "I've got to attend a parent-teacher conference tonight." "Sorry, I can't make it. Johnny's sick." "I'm short on cash this week." "The house needs cleaning." Or, "Sally needs help with her math." Your social life may include much more family time, both your own and extended-family involvements.
Extended-family relationships are extremely important. When extended families respond positively, there is better adjustment, sooner, for both parent and child.
The major new tasks faced by the single adoptive parent, their costs, and time commitments may loom especially large in this transitional stage.
Background Information
Agency Adoptions
When it is time to evaluate adoption agencies, consider these pros and cons.
Where Have All the Babies Gone?
The top reasons fewer babies are available to the growing number of couples who want to adopt.
Causes and Characteristics of Attachment Disorder
For adoptive parents, attachment issues can be a huge concern.
Independent Adoption
These are the risks and rewards of adopting without the help of an agency.
Not Just a Mother's Decision
Birth fathers have a right to be included in the adoption process.
Questions and Answers
Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children raised by biological parents?
Answer
How would you go about telling a child he or she is adopted, and when should that disclosure occur?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Reflections on Bonding With an Adopted Child
Bonding with an adopted child can take time — and great patience.
A Second Chance at Life
Two adopted children arrived from the most unlikely of sources.
Adoption as Grace
How does enlarging your family reflect God's love?
An Act of Grace
In the midst of ethical ambiguity, one infertility treatment is a welcome development.
Climbing the Hills
A father tells his story of adopting his daughter from Russia.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Where is God in the Midst of All My Troubles?
So many cry out to Him in times of need, but is God really listening? And, more important, does He care?
Related Topics
Life Pressures: Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms
Relationships: Blended Families, Divorce, Parents and Adult Children, Caring for Elderly Parents
