crisis pregnancy
First Things First
If you are pregnant and unmarried, a teenager living at home or perhaps away at school, right now you are probably afraid, confused and torn by many emotions. Where do you go from here? To whom can you turn? Don't despair. Your future is changed, but not finished. With careful thought and some help, opportunities still lie ahead.
You are probably anxious to tell someone about your pregnancy, yet afraid. But you are going to have to tell someone soon. At this point, you need to think carefully about whom you tell. For one thing, as soon as you do, you will be bombarded with opinions about your situation. People will want to tell you what to do. So you need to determine who should be told first and prepare yourself for his or her reaction.
The logical place to begin, of course, is with your parents, as difficult as that may be. For instance, you may think your parents will be violently angry, perhaps enough even to disown you. You can expect that they will be hurt at first. Because parents tend to blame themselves when things like this happen, you could hear, "Where have we gone wrong? What did we ever do to deserve this?"
Your pregnancy is a crisis in their lives as well as yours. Remember how you felt when you first found out? They will have many of those same feelings.
Many parents will try to take over the decision-making completely. Some may even say, "You're going to have an abortion, and that's final!" They may not mean that — they probably don't. It may just be their initial reaction since they're so used to protecting you. No one can force you to have an abortion against your will. Remember, your parents are in shock as well. Give them time to sort through their feelings
A possible way to begin a conversation with them is, "Mom, Dad, I love you, but I've really let you down. I'm sorry to have to tell you this ...."
Then again, maybe you will think it best to speak with one parent at a time, or even tell an older brother or sister first. However, if you simply cannot bear the thought of dealing with their reactions at this time, how about talking with:
A trusted friend. Can you think of someone you admire, look up to, want to be like? Start off by saying something similar to this: "Would you have time to talk with me, to help me sort through a decision I'm facing? Or could you suggest someone I could talk with?" Because they've had their own problems to face and solve, any one of these people — a teacher, school counselor or older neighbor — could help you talk out your feelings.
Your boyfriend. What about the father of your baby? Will he stand with you or against you? Deny everything? Want to take any responsibility at all? Or do you think he'll be pleased, proud, protective and loving? Whatever his reaction is, it's important for the two of you to be alone when you tell him. He also needs time to sort through his feelings. However, he is not the person to decide finally what to do; that's up to you. If he insists you abort, patiently let him know his opinion is important, but that you are the one carrying the child. Does he still live at home? If so, then could you and your parents, along with him and his, sit down to discuss the situation? If and when the meeting takes place, that is the time to get your feelings out in the open and find out what support you have. In most cases, one set of parents will take a firm stance initially. When you gather together to discuss the problem, all parties involved can gain a clearer perspective of how everyone else thinks and feels. Ask your boyfriend and his parents if they will be responsible for any medical bills. What about the relationship? Will it be continued? This time together will help provide direction for both you and your boyfriend. You may have to prepare yourself for negative reactions from his parents. They may be uncooperative, feeling it's not really their problem. Of course, this isn't fair, but it could happen. You need to be ready in case it does.
People in your church. If you are involved in a church, one of the scariest things is wondering what the people there will say and think. How can you face them? If possible, talk with one of the spiritual leaders. Many of them are trained to counsel in a crisis situation and can offer you hope, help and words of healing. If you don't have a church family, this would be a good time to find one. Do you have a couple of girlfriends you feel close to? Maybe you could visit their churches with them. You may feel like withdrawing from the entire human race, but seclusion won't help. Caring and concerned people will.
Background Information
Behind the Scenes of a Teen Pregnancy
A look at the thoughts and feelings she — and you — are going through.
Abortion Risks
While abortion seems like a "quick fix" for a long-term problem, it is a permanent decision that carries physical, emotional and spiritual risks.
Deciding About Adoption
When considering adoption as an alterative to raising your baby, these answers may dispel adoption myths.
Questions and Answers
Why do I feel like this pregnancy has pulled me in so many different directions? I feel so overwhelmed with all the ramifications of this decision I must make. How can I sort it all out?
Answer
My pregnant daughter has her whole life still ahead of her. Would it be better for her to place her baby with a family through adoption, parent her baby or have an abortion?
Answer
Review Frequently Asked Questions
Stories
Things Seen and Unseen
A woman in a white coat walked into the room and flipped on the fluorescent lights, jarring my wife awake. The jarring was just beginning.
Left to Suffer
Abortion can leave a woman feeling more empty and alone than she ever dreamed possible.
Life is Sacred
Sometimes the choices we make bring pain. Thankfully, one woman turned to God for healing.
Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion
It's not something most men talk about, but the ones who've lost a child to abortion bear many scars.
If you've been through a experience related to this topic, we invite you to share your story with others.Share Your Story
Other Things to Consider
Faith Helps
God may be the only person who understands what you're going through.
What the Choice is All About
For a long time it baffled me. I could never understand why anyone would want to be pro-choice. But this past week I finally got it.
Related Topics
Relationships: Blended Families, Parents and Adult Children
Transitions: Preparing for Adolescence, Empty Nest
